I showed my first chapter to a crit group . . .

My first chapter of my fantasy novel Sons of Obsidian, that is. I had posted it here, but I removed it because the crit group made it clear that it needs work! I'm telling, not showing. One character seemed inconsistent. Oh, and the issue of slavery in my world building bothered one reader--but it's supposed to be troublesome, so I'm keeping that.

So, ow! And yet, I'm so grateful for these critiques. I talked over the chapter with my writing partner, Alexandra. I rethought the parts where I was telling instead of showing. I rethought the characters and their motivations. And you know what? The chapter is much stronger now.

One question remains: whether I'm going to keep going solo with Sons of Obsidian, or whether Alexandra will be writing and revising with me. (I've written a good deal of this book already. But I see so much room for improvement and I've already asked her to write certain scenes . . .) Well, we'll see how it goes. But I think she's going to end up as co-writer.

Meanwhile, I'll just thank G-d for the perceptive critiques!